Eddie Sala ~ Lead singer of The Nothings, a once popular local band that could have made it big…but didn’t
Vince Le Grand ~ 20-something rock ‘n’ roll interviewer for Spite! Magazine
Sheena ~ The most beautiful girl in the world
Jack Stoddard ~ Drummer for The Nothings
Mindy ~ Some chick from the past that Eddie used to screw and barely remembers
Groupie Girl ~ ‘nuf said
(Scene: Eddie has just finished playing a “comeback show” with The Nothings, although he is the only original member. It is late, but it’s early as rockers go. The bar has cleared out and Eddie has had a few drinks and perhaps a few “other things”. His voice is raspy from singing, his hair grey around the edges, lines about his face, but he still has that arrogance all lead singers tend to have. He holds a cigarette in one hand and a cipher of a groupie in the other. She says nothing. She is only there for decoration. Her name is unimportant. Vince Le Grand has stayed after the show to record an interview with the “legendary” Eddie Sala. He doesn’t really want to be there but he’s being paid and so he showed up. There is a cheap analog tape recorder on the table between them. The downstairs bar is stale and smoky and as they speak the roadies are hauling the equipment out the basement door in the back. Some of this can be heard in the background. Although the bar is closed, the bartender has not stopped serving the crew…or Eddie.)
Eddie: So yeah so….didja have a good night? Man we rocked it out there tonight didn’t we?!! Wow yeah man!! Woooooo!!! Hehehe… So whaddya wanna know? I mean, what do you wanna know? Hehehe, shit, dude, ya gonna waste my time? What the hell do ya wanna know? Heheeeeee. My time is valuable, so hey what do you wanna know?
Vince: I just wanna ask you a few questions. There’s only a few things on here, ok? (he taps his wide-ruled steno pad were he has written down a few obligatory questions)
Eddie: Fine then what?
Vince: (he pauses a moment) Tell me about Sheena...
Eddie: Really? You’re gonna go there? First question is Sheena? Really? WHY? (he is agitated and squirms in his seat but Groupie Girl rubs his shoulders and he calms down)
Vince: Well yeah. Your fans wanna know about her. They’ve heard all the stories and now they wanna hear it from you.
Eddie: What? That’s fucked up. Ok, whatever, but I don’t understand why they wanna know about that, because you know, she was kind of a footnote in my life really, I mean she was nothin’ really. Geez, what about my music? Don’t they wanna know about my music? I mean, there’s my music! It’s golden shit, man, yeah?! And all you wanna hear about is Sheena, I mean seriously, man, c’mon, you’re killin’ me here! (he laughs nervously and takes a puff off his cigarette)
Vince: Well we can talk about something else if you want but it’s always gonna come back to this, you know.
(There is a long pause while Eddie finishes off the remainder of his beer and motions to Groupie Girl to go get him another ~ he doesn’t want to start this in front of her. She kisses him, grabs his glass, and disappears to go flirt with the bartender.)
Eddie: (watching Groupie Girl walk away and ogling her, turns to interviewer) Well, Sheena was….she was beautiful, man. I mean, really. Sheena was really..beautiful. Geez, what guy would not look at that woman and say that she was not gorgeous? I mean, she had…this blonde hair…oh my God…this natural blonde hair, and she had these green eyes – oh God. Every time I looked at her I just, I couldn’t….I just couldn’t get enough of her. But she would look back at you and you knew that she….that she was…she was not there. Her eyes were blank, just nothing. (makes a face at Vince to demonstrate) She was on drugs, you know. She did a lot of smack back then; she did a lot of shit like that but I didn’t care about any of it because she was gorgeous and I…well…yeah…
And there was Mindy, you know….eh….she was ok….eh no, fuck Mindy! Mindy was this chick who just followed me around to all my shows everywhere I went and I didn’t need that, you know? I didn’t need that. I didn’t need that, but I couldn’t do anything about that right? I mean if the chick wants to throw herself at me who am I to say no to that, right? (he chuckles and Vince wonders how long this is going to take)
(finally getting around to it) Then there was Sheena. Man, Mindy was nothing next to her, man. But Sheena was Jack’s girl, you know? And Jack was such a loser. He was such a loser. I mean, he totally had this amazing chick and he didn’t have the first clue what to do with her. She was awesome! I mean…she was in med school. She was in MED SCHOOL!! For chrissakes she was in fucking MED School!! And, you know what? He got her hooked on that smack…the heroin, you know. Geez what a loser he was. And it all went to shit after that. I mean, we would go out and we’d play these clubs and I would write these songs and he would play drums, and I mean, he was horrible! He was horrible! Have you ever heard of him?
Vince: (clearly bored at this point) Uhm, no, I don’t think so.
Eddie: Good! Cuz he sucked! (laughs arrogantly) Everyone’s heard of me, I mean, my god! My god, everyone’s heard of ME! I’m fuckin’ Eddie Sala, for god’s sake, everyone’s heard of me, right?? (Groupie Girl has returned with his fresh beer, and there is more nervous laughter as Eddie looks around then raises his glass to the weary roadies toting out the band gear, who are paying him no mind) The Nothings!!! Yeahhh!!! Wooooooo!!!
Vince: (chuckles under his breath) Yeah man, sure, hehe. Rock on dude.
Eddie: RIGHT? Right??! Yeah! (pauses to take a long swig and kiss Groupie Girl)
(he continues) So there was this one night, you know? When Mindy wanted to go this new club, and I didn’t really wanna go, but then Sheena was there and I ditched Mindy and then we went back to this…house…uhm well it was a flop house and all these druggies lived there and it was nothin’ but room after room of all these mattresses and there wasn’t even anything to eat in the fridge, man, just some needles and the water didn’t even work. I think they were squatting but I didn’t ask too many questions ya dig? And lot of crazy shit went down there that night. (giggles like he has a big secret) A LOT of crazy things (rolls eyes and gives a knowing look to Vince who cannot stifle a yawn to save his life).
So later yeah? When everyone else left to go score some more smack and weed, Sheena looks over and said to me like, “hey ya wanna go to bed?” and I’m like “whoa whoa whoa you’re like Jack’s chick, man, I can’t do that, I can’t DO that!” We were like on the bed together and she was like TOTALLY coming on to me (winks at bored Vince) and then Jack walked right by us because, you know, mattresses everywhere? Right? Hehe….He walked by and he was like, tosses a rubber and me, and he was like “Don’t knock her up, asshole, that’s MY job!!” (laughs so hard he coughs furiously and Groupie Girl pats his back to help).
And then Jack all went and sat in the corner on this chair with three legs held up by some bricks on one side and was reading this comic book, and I’m like “what the hell? whatever”.
And so I did her. I did her while he sat there and laughed like a moron five feet away from us. That was the shit, I tell ya. That was the shit. (he smiles and gleams over at Groupie Girl, who smiles back at him but she doesn’t exactly know why)
And when it was all over you know what? She looked at me with those pretty green eyes of hers and she said “you know what Eddie? I’m going to be a doctor someday”. And I said “well then girl, what the fuck are you doing with a loser like me?” (he sighs heavily and closes his eyes tightly as he relives that painful moment)
She didn’t say anything back at me. (he takes a drink and looks out the open back door into the dark ~ the basement is now quiet as all the roadies are gone ~ a Cure songs plays in the background, “Sometimes” ~ he lights another cigarette from Groupie Girl’s proffered match)
And then she rolled over off the bed and she pulled out a spoon and candle from a box behind the mattress, and I’m like “oh man no I had enough coke for one night” and she was like “no stupid it’s smack doncha wanna try some?”
Wait….are you gonna put this part in? I don’t wanna get arrested or anything like that, can we leave this part out?
Vince: Sure, sure…
Eddie: Are ya sure?
Vince: Sure. You have my word on it. (looks at his watch and rubs his left temple with his index finger)
Eddie: Well, so then she melted the shit, right? and then she put it in the needle and then she put a rope around my arm and then she slapped around for a vein. And I let her shoot me up. I let her shoot me up for the first time.
And then we flew….and then we flew, man! We flew like nobody’s business. Wow. Just wow…
(he motions for Groupie Girl to get him another beer and she complies ~ the bartender is really young and cute anyway)
So I left after that and spent a lotta days doing a lot of things. I tried to hang out with Mindy and do normal things but after Sheena well, it just wasn’t the same so I told Mindy to lose my number and quit coming to my shows. She tried crying and all that shit but that don’t work on me and really I didn’t care much. I was too taken up with Sheena. Mindy was such a loser anyway. She had like, a job and shit. (laughs like a dweeb) A fucking J.O.B. can you fuckin’ believe that? Hehe…. Such a loser. Only stupid people have jobs. Guys like us with real talent don’t need that shit, right? (he elbows Vince, who smiles weakly)
And so I went back to the squat where Sheena was, right? I just couldn’t get enough of her. Or maybe it was the drugs I kept going back for. I don’t know. Don’t care really. As long as she was there everything was good. I just couldn’t leave her. I couldn’t do it. She WAS the smack in my veins. Man, shit…that sounds like a great song lyric, don’t it? (grabs a cocktail napkin and scribbles something down with a stub of a pencil the bar keeps there for Keno). It’s not like Jack cared anyway. He was always there with some stupid comic book and tapping on everything like a stupid drummer. Sheena and I? Yeah we fucked and lot and did a bunch of drugs and shit. I was so stupid back then. Hey, at least I didn’t have a job, right? (laughs at the funny he thinks he has just made)
Then one day I went to the flop and nobody was there. (he downs the brand new beer he has been handed, all in one gulp) It was all boarded up like and I didn’t know shit where anyone had went. By that time the band had broken up so I didn’t even see Jack anymore. Man I thought my heart was gonna fall through the floor when I saw those padlocks and shit on that place. Might as well have been a padlock on my heart.
Oooh!!! (grabs another napkin and scribbles some more song lyrics he thinks are amazing then stuffs it in his lapel pocket)
About a year later I ran into the two of them at some dive down in the city and the two of them were all coked up like crazy and Sheena’s pretty green eyes were all glassy and red like from the drugs or whatever but maybe ’cause she had been crying, I don’t know. Then she goes and pulls a bomb and I find out that her and…..her and fuckin’ Jack got MARRIED! They fuckin’ got MARRIED! What the hell??! (Groupie Girl has brought over yet another drink ~ Eddie has switched to whiskey now per her doing ~ the bartender has persuaded her to get Eddie too drunk to function and it’s working as he is slurring his words now)
Can you believe that? Shit man. Shit…. Didn’t she know she was supposed to be with ME? With ME? Not him. Not fuckin’ “Comic Book Jack”. She was supposed to be with me!!! Sheena had talent, she had talent! She did NOT belong with Jack! He was an asshole! He was a fuckin’ drummer! Who the hell falls in love with the fuckin’ drummer, I mean really? Drummers are losers, right? I mean, I was the lead singer, right? I wrote the songs. I was the one with the talent, I was the one who got up there and sang and Jack just banged on the drums like a monkey. But I could WRITE goddammit! I had everything! I was tall, I had a big dick, and he was like, a little short-ass, I mean seriously? He liked comic books. Really? Who likes comic books anyway? Retards, maybe. But you know? She married him. She fucking married him. (he spits on the floor angrily and without remorse as if this would fix everything)
She was a fucking heroin addict anyway, you know? (he closes his eyes and Groupie Girl massages him absently)
So, a lot of time went by and I didn’t see Jack or her for a really long time, right? Lots of chicks came and went but I always kept thinking of Sheena. As if I could stop, right? Then a few days ago….a few days ago…. (pauses and chokes up ~ he is three sheets to the wind by this time and no one is surprised by this)
Goddammit!! Why did you have to bring her up???!!? (closes eyes and pounds his fist on the table ~ his mouth turns to a grimace like a Greek tragedy mask and the tears begin to flow out the sides of his eyelids and he doesn’t try to stop them)
I found out that…I found out that….oh god, Sheena died! She DIED, man!!! Shit!!! She fucking DIED!!! (he puts his head in his hands at starts sobbing ~ his bald spot is quite visible from this angle~ after a bit, he sits up ~ his voice trails off as he sniffs back the tears, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his green/blue sharkskin suit jacket, then his hands on his pants)
You’re such an asshole for bringing this up! Shit, man!….I can’t believe you asked me this!
(as Eddie pulls himself together, we can tell the sun is beginning to come up as the first rays of light are streaming through the still open back door ~ it is then we can fully make out Eddie’s face and the fact that he is no longer the young guy he thinks he is ~ he stares at the floor then grasps his hands together ~ Groupie Girl has passed out on two chairs behind him and he is serious now….)
She died, man. She fucking died. Fucking heroin. Sheena died. And I found out in the stupidest way possible by reading this stupid rag that stupid Jack put out trying to revive his stupid loser never was any good career in some punker magazine most people would sooner wipe their asses with than read. He was nothing. I was everything and he was nothing….and Sheena is gone. She’s GONE, man! She OD’d in bed one night right next to him. I bet he was reading a fucking comic book when it happened. What an asshole. What a loser. Oh geez….
(he guzzles the last drops of the whiskey he is holding and stares defiantly at Vince, eyes blazing)
And so, here we are. I’m old and she’s dead. Sheena’s dead, dammit! Are ya happy now?!! (he is in visible pain and breathing in short bursts)
It shouldn’t be like this, you know? It just shouldn’t be like that. She was supposed to be with me, you know? Life just shouldn’t be like that. Shit. She was beautiful and smart and she was gonna be a doctor. And she deserved so much better than what happened to her. Fucking heroin. Fucking Jack. She was supposed to be with me…
(another long pause and Eddie is finished now, beaten, resigned, dejected)
So there. You wanted to know. You had to ask….
(he stands up and absently jiggles the change in his pockets, looking at Vince, who got much more than he ever expected)
Can we turn this thing off now?…..